Widow guilt, as if it isn’t already hard.

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I would like to share with you my experience of the guilt I have felt as a widow, this still applies to all you widowers out there too!

The widow guilt I seem to be inflicted with involves me thinking that I am being a bad widow, disrespectful to Ben and his memory if I am happy, celebrating my achievements and those of our girls. It also questions every decision I make and asks what other people will think, because obviously widowhood allows everyone to have an opinion on your life and your grief.

So by taking the girls out for lunch one day is that us enjoying ourselves too much, imagine if I went out on my own without the children then I must not have loved Ben enough. Even getting the girls to school or the childminders on my own, am I making it look too easy? You get the idea, everything and anything can give rise to a good dose of widow guilt.

So add to this setting up a business on your own which is something that I would be unlikely to be doing if Ben had not died and obviously widow grief says I’m only successful because Ben died, because I only know this stuff because Ben is dead. It is relentless. Widow guilt wants me to stay sad for longer, cry harder, grieve the most because by doing these things I am honouring Ben’s memory.

That is bollocks Ben must be screaming at me from wherever he is watching. He is the last person to want me to have any feelings of guilt be it widow or Mummy guilt, I am doing the best I can with the circumstances I am in. So I fully intend to embrace my own journey through grief going forward and remember Ben’s memory does not live in the pain of my grief.

With my new found clarity and understanding in mind I am off to treat myself to coffee and cake, on my own and think about a more fitting way to honour Ben’s memory.

I also intend to put the word out about my super tribe for widows and widowers who just get it and are there for each other. If you would like to join our tribe and be supported and understood by like minded people here is the link https://www.facebook.com/groups/Hummingbirdwidows/?source_id=544474052626133   

karen whybrow